4:40 Made up poems

(Made by yours truly :) 

I swam through the rivers of your soul

-it was so deep and void.

Made up of love’s sacrifices,

that’s never been returned.

How I love to dig down unto it more;

Even though my heart would explode.

You are like a shadow;

So vain and dishonest

I wanted you for all days,

Yet you came without rays.

I needed you when I don’t

Yet you’ve shown like before.

Unmade sheets are very special to me,

it is so honest that I can smell you from within.

It is so honest that I can play what memories lack.

It is so honest that I know I can’t have you back.

You leave me with a scar that’s naked.

Forever thorn, forever unshaken.

This is what you do when you left people’s heart out of the blue.

You show them how red can be hue.

How beautiful it is to meet a stranger,

not knowing you, not knowing him.

But stories are made for one another.

Goodbye to you my dearest man,

For once, I’ve been blown by your laugh,

For once, I’ve been shaken by your touch.

But now, for once, I’ve waken my soul to left you behind.

Simple things make the most of unexpected days.

It will give you peace you keep searching on unwanted scenes.

He’s like the last carousel ride in a fair;

Everyone’s done for the last trail,

Yet I am here round and around till I go.

My letters are not yet frozen,

It still has the mouth to speak out the words I long for you.

It is never been redesigned. It was always for you.

I watched through my window as the pink skies grow wider and wider.

It can fill up the whole town in its arm;

yet I’m still here yearning for love.

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Black bird fly (Beat depression!)

Hello, darkness my old friend...

Maybe: It started out when you felt nothing for weeks. It’s like gazing into the stars but not feeling overwhelmed or excited. You looked into the stars but not really seeing them, staring into nothingness. Then you felt okay, for days, for weeks and even for months. The idea of getting numb suddenly came by like an uninvited visitor. Then it crawls into your deepest nerve, paralyzing you. You don’t want to move, to eat nor go to work. You just wanted to lie in bed for days, looking at your sad dog beside you. You felt empty again.

To tell you now, we don’t know how it really started or the reason why it started. Maybe because of some circumstances that happened to you that you really didn’t like and never been proud of, or maybe because of some people drowning you, that unknowingly you’re letting them in into your lungs, then it’s getting harder to breathe or maybe just because of the life you have that never excites you anymore, like finding your whole meaning or purpose in the world but never having any answers, or maybe because you don’t feel loved or liked by someone or just even hating yourself, or maybe because you lose your friends to keep in touch or maybe because your family never ask how your day went or asking if you are okay, or maybe just the feeling that people aren’t so nice at all after you’ve shown them the real you, or maybe just because you hate yourself for being stupid, for not being cool enough to join a group, for your mistakes, for  failures or for the love that’s never been appreciated. Maybe you’re just suddenly tired, giving up.

I don’t know. We don’t know.

What you just know, is that it enters into your system like a dark smoke, creeping
into your nerves, injecting Valium. Then you allowed them.

Now, the thing is, you’ve never shown this to anyone. You acted okay, you acted fine, you acted happy and it turns out, you’re an actress in your own movie. But no one’s watching.

You’re so sad because you started losing yourself

How to get back?

Really, you just don’t know.

Then like a thunder it, shocked you.

You have to choose the emotions you wanted to enter into your mind. Mind is a very powerful organ in your body. It controls you for some reasons.

The mind is the devil’s playground. But your heart is what God has made you to wake up.

Wake up from the couch that you’ve been sleeping in. If you stay too long in your bed, they’ll take away your things. Remember that.

So you have to get up.

Maybe we forget to pray; maybe we’re the ones who are detaching ourselves from friends, family, home, or the world. It's not your fault. 

And it's okay to acknowledge your feelings, because it is you.
But I also do believe, that beyond all of these, you are one of a hell strong person. You are so strong to hold onto these things, for carrying them and I love you for that. 

Don’t let that define you. Don’t let it in.
But right now, I want to you to give yourself a tap on your shoulder. You did good and honestly you can be more. Now, try to smile a bit. Inhale and exhale.
Try to focus on the good things. Try to let the light in. Don't be too hard on yourself. Accept yourself fully. Life's too short, get up and raise your arms. Let's try again.

We’re not perfect and that's okay. Get the grip loose. It’s time to take a deep breath and get high on fumes.

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To my almost "always"

How can you love a person so much, so genuine, so sweet and then unlove them suddenly? How can you tell your promises to one another and broke them again? How can you say you won’t leave, when all you ever did was to walk away?

Dear  Stranger… again,

                It’s done.  Just like that, it’s over… again.

                You’re a stranger again, just like that.

I guess it will never work out the way we always wanted and right here, right now before the clock ticks to nothingness and before I lose the whole meaning of writing, I’ll never find and will never ask answers from you, simply because I just thought I don’t need them. There were questions that don’t need any answers; it’s like a rhetorical question needing a rhetorical answer.

I just want to go on with my life and by that means, without you.

Thank you, for leaving a trace that surely I will never forget. Still, I know, there will be times that I’ll miss you, I’ll remember you even if I just walk on that stupid lane we used to walked, surely I’ll remember how you say your dreams or you, confessing your love to me, but surely it will also remind me, that these things were all in the past, and that’ll wake me, because hey, I’m in the present.

Thank you, for giving me emotions. Happiness, madness, loneliness and for a time I feel a blood rush into my veins.

It’s funny how things work out, we used to be friends, best friends, turned out to be lovers, then strangers, friends and then lovers again, but you choose to be a stranger again… for a long time, and you suddenly came back again, then we became lovers again, then back to where we used to be… being strangers to each other, am I nuts? Maybe I am.

To tell you honestly, it came to my mind that I shouldn’t regret any single moments I had with you. I guess, it made a part of rebuilding of who I am, for knowing myself deeply, that without these certain moments, without these lessons, I wouldn’t be the person I am right now or the person that I will become.  You are like the every person mentioned in a heartbroken or sad song. Thank you for all those countless memories, for the things you shared, for the laugh, tears you brought into my life, but most of all, for the heartaches that you gave me.

I am also sorry, for not being the person you used to know. I changed a lot. Maybe a part of the reason why is because of what happened to us. But I don’t blame you anymore, this is me right now and you can’t find the old one and to tell you, I can’t find you too.

Up until now, I don’t know what love can bring to me, to us. I just got a realization, that when you break up with people, you also break a part of yourself, you detach from all these strings that once made you together. It is hard. But you have to accept and move on.

I forgive you anyway, maybe it’s not your fault after all, for not loving me anymore, for losing the string, for giving up on our always, maybe that’s just how it goes, cause maybe you’re not the one for me, maybe you’re just a hundred lesson I should learn back then. And right now, the only thing that I should take from all of these is to accept the fact that people come and go and steal your parts and it’s up to you on how to regain yourself again from that heartache.

No one’s to blame, cause maybe it just how our story goes right now… but it is not the end. We should continue to walk on and be strong every day, to learn to love yourself and rebuild your trust. There will be an always for us, maybe not on the person we used to love, maybe from someone else, who knows? Love’s a puzzle, cause maybe the person we love doesn’t deserve us.

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Fool's gold

You've been always my favorite person, my favorite song, my favorite past. But today, I will start my life without you.

I’ll never forget you. I’ll never forget how we used to be best friends, and then became lovers with a tough love and now, it all comes back again to where we used to be, and we’re good as strangers.

You’re my first love, the first man I always wanted to be with, the one I always wanted to end up with in every step of the way. The reason why I believe that love can be so genuine. The reason why I am happy and for some moment I feel so alive.

But we always go the wrong way.

You’re a time destroyer.

Maybe what we have is different. We love each other, but will never be together, we end up hating and hurting each other … and that’s enough.

I’m not letting you go. I’m letting my feelings go.

I have to accept the fact, that there are people that once were lovers, that once had the most beautiful stories, that once had the most amazing dreams for each other, but will never be together. 

Maybe we always came back for each other, but we always lose the chances that time gave us. It’s such a beautiful grunge love story.  I’ll be keeping these memories, that once I met someone like you. That once, someone made me feel like a flower. But I never wanted to be a flower. 

I want to be happy. I need someone that will never leave me. 

We’ll be alright.

Goodbye to my almost ‘always’. 

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A letter to myself

DEAR ___________

First and for most, I am proud of you no matter what. You’ve come a looong way. This isn’t the time to give up. I know you miss your old self, the old _______ who can smile and be positive about the world, the old you who is a friend to all kinds of people, a hardworking _____, the one who busy herself doing amazing stuffs, the one who is afraid to get a low score test, the one who is imaginably a dreamer for herself and for her family. The old ______ is happy, I know. She never minds the bad in this world, for she doesn’t know back then, all she can see is a bright future, a happy world to live in.

But now, you have learned so much in this world. World isn’t about black and white, no, there are gray, red and blue, it depends. In short, you have learned that the world is not just one sided, it has many faces. You have learned to realize this, because of some experiences that brought you here. Life cannot offer you everything. You have learned love in a deeper way, you started disliking people, and you started to distrust people, even yourself. You have come to realize that fear is eating you alive. You have come to know that you can’t please many people in this world that some people just simply don’t like you and for that, you tried to make another version of you. You tried to be somebody else and it finally came to you that you’re not happy and sooner the system will just eat you up. You started to learn that there are different people in this world, different kinds, angels and monsters, bad and good, superstars and goons. You started knowing your real friends. You kinda made an organization, there are friends just for travel leisure, for fun and games, friends at work, friends you just say hi for a second, and luckily, friends that stays forever.  I tell you what, life isn’t black and white, it is a rainbow. For that, you finally came up with an answer that life is a coloring book, you choose what color to be put on.

When you’re still a child you only see the beautiful basic colors that makes up the world, but when you grow up, you finally realize that there are gray, maroon, fuchsia and beige. You suddenly learn the color palette. In this world, you strive hard, you really did. If you don’t then why are you here anyway? Some people will let you down, judge you, belittle you but let me tell you this, they don’t own you. You own yourself, you have the control besides God, so another thing, ask him. There are moments in your life when you didn’t know what to do, when you are stuck suddenly in a middle of nowhere, you can’t walk a little because you just didn’t know what to do. So, ask God for directions. Just remember, that always do what you love, always reach for that dream, never stop, always give your hundred percent at everything, because in the end, it will pay you a reward. Life isn’t depressing at all, you are not the only one who thinks and feels like an idiot for a moment. When you feel you’re worthless, don’t stay in bed for too long, stand up. And if your parents started nagging you for doing nothing, maybe they are right, you have to do something, cause time’s running up, it won’t wait you, maybe you’re late but you can catch up and when the time comes that you already know what to do, you’re just exact in time. Maybe you’re in a line between “going there” to “finish”, we all are. These feelings of loneliness, sadness, it will fade away once we know who we really are and what we are here for. It is a journey, so embrace every of it. We will all end up being happy and whole at the end. Just remember, don’t stay too long in bed. There’s still a chance for everyone.

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10 WAYS FOR A HEALTHIER AND HAPPIER YOU; BETTER EACH DAY

It’s been quite awhile since I’ve been reading 365 ways of a healthier and happier you better each day by Jessica Cassity and before having this book I have a loooong way of figuring out which and why to buy a book for that day. Actually that day, I feel so down and uneasy with myself that I have decided to buy a book that will inspire me. (1) What career to choose on (2) Do I need to change directions? (3) Misdirection of what path to choose on (4) How to be happy and successful. These are the thoughts that keep on playing in my mind while I scan the books and find my perfect match.

I have come to like 6 books. (1) How to be successful in your chosen career (2) Things that scares you (3) Things that inspires you (4) Steps on moving forward (5) The answer to your questions (6) The book I have finally chosen.  I am really torn to number 1, 5 and 6. But I chose the latter. 365 days for a happier you, hmmm sounds good for spending 800 php for a book. It will be a great help for me every day since every time I can read just one page on it and then learn something from it to hopefully apply on that specific day. I haven’t finished the book yet, of course. But while I’m scanning, I have chosen ten things that I/You can do for a day and just ease your mind and somehow feel better than okay.

(1)   Television viewing doesn’t actually let you unwind – Instead, go for a walk or look at the nature outside if you really wanted to relax, cause watching TV, is not really for relaxation, it is for entertaining so having said it, your mind is still working. They’ve said that just by looking a tree outside, it will make you feel good somehow, because a tree represents hope.

(2)   Don’t skimp on sleep – Sleep deprivation will lead your brain to function below its full potential. If you have a presentation/exam tomorrow better prepared earlier and take a nap to refresh your brain because if you keep on studying even if you’re tired, 40% of the information will take in into your brain. (P.S Sometimes, this thing does not go well to many of us, but at least try some time and observe if it works on you).

(3)   Nix the iced tea to prevent kidney stones – According to Loyola University Chicago’s Stritch School of Medicine, if ice tea is your favorite thirst-quencher, you may likely to put yourself into having kidney problems. The culprit is oxalate, a chemical found in tea that is the key for the formation of small salt and mineral crystals. So, I might be ordering lemonade or water that can actually inhibit the growth of kidney stones.

(4)   Invest in Happiness – This is an all time favorite tag, yet it is true. Studies shows that spending money on shopping can make you actually feel better but sooner declines, but having to spend your money on a weekend vacation, having to learn diving or exploring the beaches or fell in love with the nature, it is much more satisfying and a good start to invest.

(5)   Deter dementia with higher education – European researchers have actually added to your pro-school list. If you’re thinking of going back to school again, chances are you reduce the risk of having dementia by 11%. Scientists found that for each year of education you accumulate, education somehow makes the brain better able to compensate for changes brought by dementia.

(6)   Addicted to your ex? Just wait it out – This is how it goes, researchers from New York and New Jersey looks at the brain of an individual who has been recently rejected. According to them, part of the brain that responded to the experiment while the individual was looking to photos of her ex was the same area that is active when cocaine addicts experience cravings. You see? It is an addiction, but an addiction to a person can be broken, unlike any other addiction, IT TAKES TIME.

(7)   Your slim-down secret weapon: A bus pass – It is just simply saying that, one way to slim down is by taking a bus for a ride because according to scientists, it actually helps you to lose weight! Plus, it saves you from spending money on your gas and parking!

(8)   Free yourself from the fear of failure – We all have been talking about this, don’t be afraid, try it out and work it out. “Fear of failure is related to a form of perfectionism, specifically what researchers refer to as socially prescribed perfectionism” according to David E. Conroy, PhD.

(9)   Protect your skin like a pro – Summer is really ON! And it feels like you’re too tired to celebrate summer when the sun is tickling your skin too much! So here’s a tip. Use a sun block instead of sun screen, because sun block has more broad spectrum and usable on all skin types, causing less irritations. Also, reapply at least every two hours while outdoors.

(10)The benefits of saying Thank you- Don’t let good deeds go un-thanked. Saying thank you can actually lead you to an improved mood. Reflect on the ways that others might actually did something to you and touched you, recognize this people by just simply saying thank you.

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What to do when you feel like giving up

             “Don’t stop believing… hold on to that feeling”

                                                                        -Journey

“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”

                                                            -William Shakespeare

There are moments in our lives when we feel like we are alone in this dark and empty room, that is full of the things we almost scared about, the things we don’t supposed to see and feel and the things that mostly, eat us alive. We are all human and it is given that we are capable of anything, anything that makes us humane. There are sudden moments in our lives that we feel unimaginably happy and excited, moments in our lives where we almost feel like a feather just floating in the air, or moments in our lives where we feel invisible or just walk into nothingness.

When we’re happy it carries us for a moment, but when we are so down it occupies the moment in our life. But don’t let it take you over.

Whoever you are right now, reading this, I want to help you get through this.

1.      

      You are never alone

Simply think that it is not only you who experience this kind of stuffs. The only difference is how you deal and act on it. Some may passes it by, some don’t actually care, some may be so depressed right now or some may actually thought that they’re bigger than what they’re facing for. And for that, you’re never alone. Share it to a trusted one, your family, your friend, your sister or brother, but most especially share it to your creator and savior.

2.       Remind yourself, why you started this.

Of course, there are reasons for all the causes. Why you ended up depressed or sad? Why give up? What’s the reason to give up? But the root of all these, why you started it off at first? And believe me, if the reason is too strong, you won’t give up.

3.       Don’t hate the player! Change the game!

If you really thought that you’re not good enough at that certain moment in your life, then don’t really hate yourself! Find a way to get what you want! Change the game! Be the rules! Don’t give up!

4.       There is sunshine after the rain

Cliché it may seems but even the song makes up a point. There are no up if there are no downs, no dawn if there are no dark. There is no harm in trying, give it a shot, don’t give up on the first try! And when you feel like you’re in the lowest point of your life, don’t let it knock you down!

5.      Be able to know when to quit.

Sometimes it is not time to give up. But it may be time to quit what you are doing and to try something else.  Giving up something you like is harder than to let go of the things you surely forget in an instance. If you feel like giving up or you are bored a lot, if you feel no real passion or excitement or curiosity change your course. But remember, do not give up if it’s really in your mind and soul, if the fateful bliss of yours keeps whispering to do it that this is the right thing to do, then why not try to do it again?

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Why you should travel alone for sometime?

1. Solitude
The world outside is a terror. You only have yourself to calm your thoughts and feelings, to get away from a hungry world. Being quiet is different from solitude. You have the inner peace and silence, you are reserved. When you travel solo, you'll think about the things in your life. You suddenly figure out what's going on. This is a perfect comfort to yourself.

2. You'll love yourself even more
There are number of reasons to hate yourself when you are surrounded by the chaos of the world. You hate yourself for doing nothing or for doing everything. But travelling alone, you'll figure out who's your real friend, you befriend yourself. There's only one you.

3. You'll be assertive
This is a time for adventure. You travel solo, you'll never know what's going to happen or who you'll meet. It's a total blank, but you're ready to color it. Loneliness will pass, because you found yourself talking, laughing with these different people.

4. EAT
This time it's your choice. You have no doubt of eating your fave sandwhiches, nachos or fish head curry, by thinking if your friends like it or not. It's all up to you.

5. A chance of having a total freedom
You're the driver of your car, you're the leader of this journey, the captain of your ship. You'll be independent, doing whatever you wanted, going whenever you wanted. It is a passion of your mind.

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The Art of getting what you want

"We don't always get what we want"
"If you want it, take it"
"I'll get what I always wanted"

Somethings are meant to be yours, sometimes it don't, but it's the matter of the process of how you get the things you want. Did you do nothing or you strive strategies to pick your apples?

1. Therapy (Act like a Psychologist)
Don't focus on what your opponent is saying, instead focus on what might she/he is thinking. This applies for money-related negotiations. "Focus on the walk away number not their goal."

2. Ask
You can't get what you wanted if it is not clear and specific. So ask. For an instance, at work if you want to get a raise or a higher position, you better ask for it. How will you know the answers if you don't mind to ask it?

3. Sacrifice first, Success later
It is easy to wish for something but hard to get through it. Are you ready to cross the rocky road? You better be. If you ask then the person will give a risk to grant you, so prove your worth.

4. Be Valuable
Benefit the organization, so they can hold a hard grip on you. If you are productive, a hard working person and is expertise at work, then they won't let you go.

 5. Persistence
Like what I've said, not every thing you wanted can be granted to you. If that happens, don't give up so quickly. Remember that when you get things from hardwork, the fruit is always sweeter than ever.

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Following Work signs (What is your real Dream job?)

"The path to must is a path we create. It begins in pathlessness, nothingness, emptiness- a Tabula Rasa as Aristotle called it"

According to Elle Luna's Book 'The crossroads of should & must', "Your career, calling & job can all be the same thing you really love." But how? In today's generation, people find it too complicated to pursue their real dreams that it comes to the point that they whether forget it or didn't realize what they really wanted. Most of us, choose to 'play our market' than to 'create our market'. And yes we do admit that we work because we need money, but some people are not fond of what they're working. That's the thing. Isn't it great to work your ass out while having fun & at the same time making cash? Others are too fortunate to experienced that, some are accidents like what happened to Vincent Van Gogh, where he wrote a letter for his sibling while at work and define how beautiful the place is, in order to describe it, he actually draws it and the rest is history. But in order to get the work that you really love, you need a savings, a cash. So what will happen? Time Management. First it will be so hard, but it's all worth it. You may work at day, and at night or your leisure time you can do your thing. Paint? Write? Play music? Photograph? It's up to you. Just have patience and work really hard for it, sooner or later you can work full time for the passion you really wanted. Remember, if you want it don't quit. Try all these things you want, but the strange thread will pull you to the right one. 

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The Breakup Playlist (Feel it until you Mend it)

Here are the 10 songs that will give you all the #feels for having a ripped open wounded heart. Ouch.

1. I hate to see your heartbreak
   -Even the Paramore's lead singer Hayley doesn't want you to be broken. She definitely gave the right words to explain it "There is not a single word, in the whole world that could describe the hurt..."

2. I wanna get better
    -Contrast to the sad, slow songs you often listen to, try this Bleacher's song and make a rhythm while you're telling to yourself "you'll get better"

3. Are you lonesome tonight?
   -Nothing can kill the King. Listen to it, it might send you to sleep after you cried your heart out.

4. Feels like we only go backwards
   -Sometimes while feeling the pain, we suddenly felt so numb & like floating in the air like a dust. Well, this song might put you into solitude.

5. Flightless bird
   -You aim to fly and touch the clouds, but suddenly in your most unexpected moment something snaps out of you and you fall so hard that it made your wings broken. You can't flap your wings right now, but you better fix it.

6. Fix you
    -The bridge of the song, says it all.

7. Lay lady lay
   -When you feel so sad, Bob Dylan is the perfect date.

8. The Scientist
   -It's like "shut up, take my money and play that music"

9. Skinny Love
   -You're so shy you can't admit it. It's like also having a heart speaking love but no one's listening.

10. Lost it to trying
    -You know when to stop and to give up & sometimes it makes you stronger, cause you let something go after it holds you back for so long.

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16 compelling lines that will leave you an aftermath.

1.  No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.

2.  Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

3. As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.

4. Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresea, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, Albert Einstein, etc…

5. No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.


6. Be happy.  Be yourself.  If others don’t like it, then let them be.  Happiness is a choice.  Life isn’t about pleasing everybody.

7.  If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.

8. There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.


9.   You don’t drown by falling in the water.  You drown by staying there.

10. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.  Don’t save it for a special occasion; today is special.


11. Never do something permanently foolish just because you are temporarily upset.


12. Too many people buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know.  


13.  When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you.

14.   Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right.

15.  Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside you.  Most people depend on others to gain happiness, but the truth is, it always comes from within.

16.  Love and appreciate your parents.  We are often so busy growing up, we forget they are also growing old.

Comment your favorite saying or maybe you can share your most overpowering line, tell me about it!

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HARD. SWEET. TASTE. (My Own Version Of Liz Gilbert’s EAT. PRAY. LOVE.)

These past few weeks I’ve been reading a book from Liz Gilbert’s personal experiences and concurrence about the existence of her life. This book personally touches my heart and even my soul, for some reasons, while reading some part of her line; I suddenly stop reading and take a moment of myself by realizing that I also want to feel the same way she did feel. For now, this has been one of my favorite books and I also want to share to you the greatness of this book.

I decided to make my own version of this book and also trying to change the title that is related to my OWN experiences.

                “Even in my underpants, I feel different”

                                                                                                -Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

HARD

I named the first part of my journey as hard, denoting that for me before the sweet life, you have to taste the hard part of your meal. It may be bitter, sour, too sweet or spicy. It depends on how you denote your “Hard meal”. But for me, I’ve been with those tastes. I experienced the bitter part of my hard meal. I’ve been broken too many times, I’ve been disappointed and surely been depressed for over thinking things that no matter how hard you think, it still doesn’t solve any of the problems. Sometimes I can’t control my thoughts, I overwhelmed with the ideas and thoughts coming out of my mind. I also experienced that sour taste of life, sometimes life gave me lemons but I made Taro tea instead of lemonade. Sometimes I can’t cope up. Life isn’t that unfair, yes he gave me a sweet life, but after tasting it I am not enjoying anymore, it is too sweet for my tooth, I might have a tooth ache. But don’t you worry sometimes it is too spicy that it heats up my nerves. It may be some adventures, some thrilling moment I’ve get to experienced or sometimes it is just a bubble, nothing out of it. I’ve been into a lot and I thought so you are. We all ate our “hard meal” but that just doesn’t stop, we have to remember that there’s still a dessert, a sweet dessert…  not too sweet, not too dull, just perfect the way it is.

SWEET

This is the benefit of the human welfare; we all have the chance to taste our desserts, it is given to us, you just have to SEE it before TASTING it. It is your choice between living in the grey line or stepping out of it. I am happy to taste a sweet dessert after a long day of hard work, it is all worth it. The important thing is to balance it, don’t taste too much; it might cause you a diabetes. What I’ve mostly learned in life is to patiently wait for the perfect dessert to be offer to you. Not all desserts are meant for you to taste, some are just life-offering piece, and life gives you a bit of taste and an aftertaste. But sooner, life will give you the dessert you’ve always wanted.

TASTE

For me, this is Liz’ “Pray” part, you’ve been full, you’ve been into the hard meal, then the dessert and of course, you’ve tasted them all. The catch here is, how do you respond to that taste? How will you manage to decide after tasting? Will you eat again? Or will you just finish the meal and get up? After the taste, sure you want to have a drink? Yes? And that’s essential. Do not just eat, but taste and then drink. Same as in life, do not just pass the problem, learn from it and then move forward and try again.

                “To find the balance you want, this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it’s like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your HEART, instead. That way you will know GOD”

                                                                                -Ketut Liyer

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That thing called “Moving on” ( Top cliché lines you’ll always hear when suffering from heartbreak)

Sometimes… though, hearing it a thousand times… it goes too well.

This is a true story. It is definitely is.

Dear Heartache,


      Be strong- There’s no other way but to be strong. If you insist to be weak all the time then darling you're the one who’s hurting yourself. It is too much. The only person you’re believing for and hoping for is you. Yes yourself. You have to believe that you can do this, even if thousands of memories came flashing back one by one.

   Cry- Contrary to the first one, well this only means that don’t act too strong, like acting nothing happened, like everything’s perfect and nothing actually hurt deep inside. Yes you have to be strong in a way that you believe that you can pass this heartbreaking situation that you can actually move on and feel happy again. Ignoring is so different from moving on. When you actually ignore, it more comes to you that nothing is finished, that you actually leave your heart unasked. Cry, if you feel hurt and if it makes you better… then cry. There’s no crime it in. It actually makes your heart feel better than keeping all the hurt inside.

   Don’t blame him/her, don’t blame yourself- Okay, maybe he’s/she’s the one who made the mistake, or maybe you. The point is, it is already done. You guys already made a choice. You’ve hurt one another, and that’s not a good thing but in reality it happens. Say sorry for fooling around and if he/she wants a second chance then you’re all good, maybe you don’t need to read this. But if it doesn’t go too well, then don’t blame anyone for what happened. Sometimes, the person you love and believe for was not the person you love anymore or maybe sometimes believing that he’s/she’s the one wasn’t the answer for forever. It happens. One day you love the person you are with and then the next day you woke up not feeling the same love you share with him/her... it doesn’t feel the same way again.

      Be with your friends- The crazy people don’t leave you just like that. It maybe heartbreaking to be with them while talking about your problems and thinking that something change and thinking that you are sad and single. Well, the break up just happened, so tell them, voice out if you feel comfortable. Hang out with them, cause sometimes, they bring the fresh jokes ever and wishing that you can smile just for a while.

      Talk to a new friend- Talking to a friend about your story is a good thing. But sometimes you need someone new, it helps because your new friend doesn’t have to be bias in terms of advising about your problems and believe it or not, sometimes you mostly said the loudest words you kept from your friends. Lastly, you get new encouraging words from your new friend. (Watch “That thing called tadhana”)

           Don’t hide in the dark side- Go somewhere! Somewhere, where you can voice out your feelings alone, where you can think all the things that happened between you and your guy/girl. Refresh your mind and help yourself to keep the track back. Feel the moment of finally being alone, okay feel the hurt, but after suffering from your deep thoughts, learn to be appreciative. Sometimes you have to come into this kind of scene because it is part of your life.

        Think about the good side- Maybe there’s something good that will come. So cliché, but yeah, you know what they say… someone leaves, someone comes. Think about the bright side darling, it maybe hurtful at first, but once you get the idea of finally spending time with your lost long friends, your family, your siblings or maybe spending a lot by yourself, you sometimes feel more appreciative about the person that is around you. There are a lot of people that loves you even if that one person leaves you. There is someone coming ready to save you and this time it is the right one.

             Try- Don’t be afraid of meeting someone new. It comes with readiness. Don’t try if you’re not ready… yet. Try and believe again in the magic of love. How can you know he’s the right one if you didn’t even try because you’re too scared? I can’t promise you that when the right one comes, you’ll never be hurt again but that’s full of shit. You have to remember that when you started to love, you have to be ready for pain. But … if he’s/she’s really the one that God wants you to be with, then no matter what happened… he’s/she’s always be your forever.

             Accept- Accept the changes that will happened to you. The daily habit of being with him/her was no longer on your planner. It’s time to accept the big changes in your life and change it with the small ones up to the big ones. Once you’ve accept the truth… slowly you mend the broken heart.

             Pray- Eat. Pray. Love. Simple. Eat for you to be full. Pray for you to be live. Love for you to be loved. 

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I’m not a Girl not yet a Woman... Dear Britney Spears

Dear Britney Spears,

Your song really fits my in-“between” problem. I’m totally into your song. And I wonder why these words came up. Why? Did you also write this as for realizing some changes in you? Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? Cause honestly if you do, then we have the same track baby. It started when I feel lonely, yes lonely for most of the times. I don’t know but sometimes I just started to think things in a different way and surprisingly it made me feel lonely. When I was a girl I don’t give a damn if my skirt was too short, if my hair doesn’t flow perfectly, if my body was sexy or not. I just ate a lot of junk and store it in my trunk. I don’t care about the world. I just wanna play and watch endless Disney films. It made me happy you know. But this time it’s totally different. I happen to know the word “metamorphosis”. Yes, just like a cockroach (eggs) turns into an adult stage. I am much more different now. I know I have to take some precautions because now, I am not a Girl. I care about more of my looks now. I care too much it hurts my head. I care about the prom, about what facial cream to use, about what dress to choose, about the cool guy in school, about my friends, about my parents adding rule no.67 “curfew hours”. I get so lonely about it sometimes. Because I’m not used to it but fortunately I’m part of it. It’s inborn. It’s destined to every person—to constantly change. This is it! It’s a mind game. I am not used to it. I am not ready for the choices, the judgements, the decisions, and the people and especially about myself. I am getting to know more about myself Britney and I am afraid I am concern with your chosen lyrics in your song “Life doesn’t always go my way”. What’s bugging me right now, is actually of becoming a Woman. Will I ever be a good mom? Will I ever got a stable job and support myself? Will I ever meet the right person to be with? Or will I just mess the whole things up? Sometimes I get too sad and believe it or not I judge people… mostly about young kids. Because now that I am a Lady, I am not used to seeing young couples kissing in PUBLIC places, I mean really KISS, I get annoyed by looking at those pictures showing some of her “flesh” and I am not an old maid to act like this. It’s just that I am Lady now. I know in myself that I am starting to grow—deeply. I started to see things differently and more seriously. I work hard now, I left the play stage. But thinking about it, I am just a Lady, Not a girl… but also not a Woman. My stage now is heading me for a new adventure right? For new learning’s in life and maybe somehow prepare me for the next stage right? Well maybe. It is possible. So “There is no need to protect me. It's time that I learn to face up to this on my own. I've seen so much more than you know now, So don't tell me to shut my eyes”. Maybe I just need some understanding right now, cause honestly I am quite not sure about it either. “All I need is love a moment that’s enough….”

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Letter to the guy who I almost Love

To my almost boyfriend;

                Wow, I would just like to tell you that I will not sugar coat everything about us. I will strictly come to the point. Why I even wrote this letter? Because I am scared, scared of being just your almost lover. Simple as that but harder to swallow. I like you. I like you since when you started talking to me about you, about your football games, about how you like your steak rare, about how your granny loves you and how you hate your dad. We got along together, we click like heels, we groove like a dancer. I like how you smile, how you treated me like a princess, like how say my name “Olive”, like how you get jealous so easily. I am not an easy catch and I can say that you win my heart, you got me, and you did your best to make me feel comfortable about us. I can’t blame you; you’re not hard as I thought. You got my wings fly. I am not expecting anything. But why you have to tell me not to talk to any boys in school? Especially Taylor? Why am I not suppose to eat alone in lunch without you? Why we have to hang out in weekends? I can’t find the answers because you never tell me.  Sooner or later I find myself falling so hard with your handsome face, I can’t resist the fact that I am head over heels with you. I love the whole you. But you just made me feel like a trash. Suddenly you’re too sweet but most of the time you ignore me. I can’t think hard enough. I don’t know the answers. Are you just using me to fill your dull moments? Or am I just feeling the wrong emotions for you? Is it because for you I am just a friend? Ouch. If so, then be honest with me sweety. I don’t want games especially in the name of love. I want the honest answers about this. Can you? Can you just honestly talk to me straightly?

Can you somehow not treat me your almost darling?

                                                                                                         Love, Olive (An almost love letter)

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Boost up your free spirited soul! (The Things you need to do in your 20 something)

One friend said to me that we didn’t live just to exist here on Earth nor live just to live, we somehow given this wonderful gift of Life, because we people doesn’t just want to sprout in this land of mass. We want to truly act on exist.

We want to give, to receive something, to love, to smile, to hug, to fear of something, to get mad, to shine. Generation nowadays, especially teenagers has a larger scope of fulfilling things beyond every line. We tend to be very imaginative and so goal oriented, but that’s not a bad thing anyway. People now are so full of ideas and so full of dreams and that’s when every news, every things has a right for fame.  This list doesn’t account that you should do it by the time you just turned 20, or you’re not 20 by this time, or your age is just not the age you wanted at this moment. Well some of the things listed here don’t need you to be twenty, you can do it even if you’re sixteen, but however, some things need a lot of dedication and hard work. By means of that, is like working to get some bills for your little adventures or trip. Nonetheless, I just did it because people in twenties are in line AFTER teenage days and BEFORE maturity days come. It’s just the matter on how you’ll do it and how you’ll handle it.

I can or YOU can do a hundred list of things do to, but for now let me just take you into the first step of guiding your life by not just existing here. You better WERK it. You better.

1.       Have a healthy exercise- You’re not getting any younger, sooner or later you’ll be out of the calendar dates, (sorry but true) and that means that we are aging. Don’t worry Pal, we are all aging, and it’s a wonderful thing because you know you’re normal. But aging is not an easy thing, your body becomes weaker and somehow some of the things you mostly do when you’re young are a big NO NO when you’re already weak. So before it could happen, why not starting from now, “I’ll start jogging around the village”, “I’ll kick some balls and do some exhibitions”, “I’ll play badminton”. It is a hard task from the start, but later on you’ll get addicted into it and yeah you’ll realize it’s a fun way. You’re not just having fun and you’re not just a healthy young mankind but you can also have bond with your friends or family.

2.       Stay out of your comfort zone- Stay out of bed and stop being so cozy all the time. The sun is coming and the rain is pouring downtown! Celebrate it with open arms! Watch for a movie tonight? Have a date? How about shopping? Watch live concerts? Or basketball plays? YOU CAN DO IT.

3.       Food hunting- You’ll never get tired of this one, because nowadays, there’s so many resto, bar, coffee shops looking for you my friend! Why not bring the Gals and the Guys and have some early breakfasts or a lunch time or a late dinner or just a one great café time? Not just the foods in front of you will make your tummy happy but the unending stories with your friends will do the best.

4.       Learn some new things!- Learn a new dance routine, a new sport or learn to paint. Do the things you didn’t know from the start and be amaze that you can do it anyhow! It is a fun thing for you to know more about yourself!

5.       Now’s your time to choose your favorite author-  Miss that book last month? Wondering why The Fault in our stars is so popular and you’re still sticking to the old fantasy book? Move your ass out and check on the book store so you can enjoy and just relax at your home base.

6.       Frame-up!- Base on my experience, I really do have fun taking photos of nature, buildings, my outfit of the day and sharing my adventures online! And you know what I’m talking about! Yes, Instagram it! Or better yet, HAVE YOUR OWN BLOG!

7.       Pursue your frustrated dreams- Want to paint? Dance? Sing? You can do it. Now you’re in the edge of taking risks and betting your adventures, now’s the time to learn the things you want for a long time ago! Take a step and later on when you already know what to do, you just see yourself smiling.

8.       Learn to drive/Overdrive- Remember you’re not the old dude who can’t enjoy just being yourself or can’t do anything without friends. You’re in the line of happiness and fulfill your heart with so much fun! Bring your car and do the road trip! Whether all by yourself or with friends! The important thing is that you play the perfect music so that you’re energy can boost up.

9.       Have a haircut!- Bored of your old look? Or the everyday all year round face of the day? Well have a risk! Do change your haircut and if doesn’t work out, well at least it isn’t permanent and you’ll have something to laugh about! Plus you can still change it.

10.   Sizzling kitchen- Don’t know anything about cooking or baking? Then grab some cook book and make the kitchen heat up (well not literally), or you can hang out with your best bud or even your mom!

11.   Travel the WORLD!- Tell you what, it is the best feeling to travel and see the beautiful scenes, people, culture with your own two eyes! You’ll just imagine how beautiful the world is.

12.   Do sport- Girls and Guys can both learn this stuff, aside from the healthy benefits it can give to you, you’ll just find yourself enjoying seeing that beautiful body in front of the mirror and yes it is sweeter because you did a great job keeping that hard work and determination up!

13.   Connect with your family- There is no such thing as perfect, same with the relationship you had your family. But now’s your time to reconnect with them and share your adventures with them! Have a wonderful night with them, do the things you planned last time but didn’t made it, bond with them and have a wonderful day with the people who won’t left you no matter what.

14.   Learn a new language-  A new lesson to learn!

15.   Volunteer-  With all the blessings you have in your hands, why not give back? Help some charities, teach the street children to read and write, donate blood, volunteer— with all your heart and willingness!

16.   Win an award- Give yourself a shot and win that thing over! It will guarantee yourself for obtaining and striving hard for that thing.

17.   Save some bills- Everybody’s need to save some money, because bills are just like “easy come, easy go” buddy. So save some and when you feel like buying some new clothes, at least you have something to get into your pocket.

18.   Write for yourself- Click this site Futureme.org because…. Just because! It is so amazing to talk to yourself and write down all the dreams, the goals, to comments you have in your life. Set the date for about 5 or 10 years later and after some years, realizing you write a letter for yourself is such an amazing feeling and at the same time a fun one to enjoy.

19.   Go to camping- Meet new friends and enjoy your daily tasks!

20.   Do scuba diving/Surf the ocean- Refresh, rewind, aaaaand just do the dance along with the sea creatures while swaying with that fresh water touching your skin! REFRESH!

21.   Meet your superstar- Been longing to see your favorite actor? Actress? Singer? Model? Then do some stalking and meet them! but not the creepy dude following them ALWAYS. Just have some good updates about their shoots, concerts, mall tour and see them on sight!

22.   Fall in Love- Yes, my friend. If you already have someone to lean on then you’re good, but if you still waking with yesterdays and the past, please my friend, now’s the time to really move on and part of it is by knowing something new, SOMEONE new, meet some friends and fall in love. But don’t get too hurry to just fall without feeling. I bet you don’t want to happen the same old story right? So just SLOW DOWN, keep your pace on and just feel the moment.

23.   DO YOUR OWN BUCKET LIST- This is your life, you control it. So no matter what people say, if it makes you happy, if this thing makes you feel human then check that box on the things you want to do written on your bucket list!

HAVE A HAPPY LIFE MY FRIEND.

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