Two letters for my Past and Future... Dear 2014

Dear 2014,

                First, I would like to congratulate myself for surviving this year of both happiness and hardships. I think I did a lot of effort for this year to make it great, but still I manage to keep my feet on the track. I can’t sum-up how happy I am because another year would come— my future. And for you, my past, I also would like to congratulate you. You made me strong and better. I think what I learned from you is to be the lady I should be. This year, I did a lot of improvements in myself, especially about being ‘artsy’. I can’t imagine I have this kind of thing for crafts. Then there comes my “unrequited” love, thanks by the way for reminding me that I have a heart, I enjoy a lot. I enjoy the moments, especially the idea that I can fall in love. Nonetheless, it didn’t work the way we both wanted, but I have a special feeling for this kind of event in my life, because finally I have the answers in my hands. I didn’t have to question myself over and over again why would this have to end, because you showed me… dear 2014 that I am a strong woman and I can overcome this kind of situation in my life.

I never been a perfect friend, I still can’t manage all the friends I have and that is because I’m still finding myself to “fit” in. We all know that there are different kinds of friends… they can be your favorite, they can be your worst frenemy or they can be your just temporary companion, but nonetheless, there are people that help me through out of finding some happiness, adventures and a bit of luck in all times of struggles.

 I have a hard time of finding myself in this year, it’s more of a lost and found search, and there is just one piece of my soul that is missing and hopefully, this coming year… I will found what I’ve been looking for. I thank you my past for this wonderful year, you showed me both life and death.

Dear 2015,

                My dear! I would like to welcome you! I would like to kiss and hug you! This is a new day! A new way to start a life in a better way! To you my Future, let’s get the adventure starts! I just hope that this year, would be the year for me to love myself more, to appreciate the people that really loves me and truly cares for me. I want to give them my energy because they truly believes in me and not to waste my vibes to non-sense people. Oh please… Haters gonna hate!

Please let me meet the people I wanted and the people who wanted me back. Let me fill the spaces in my life dear… let me have some people who can bring me the goodness in life, the ones who can bring me some cheers! And for me to give others the kind of happiness they also wanted. I wanted to help. I wanted to be a part of someone’s life and not just to exist. Let me find myself and also let the roads find me.

Let my family stick together through thick and thin, let me find my true friends and to cherish them with all my heart. Please let this be the year for all the unfinished business to end and leave all the bad past behind and more of moving forward. Let this be the year for some learnings in life… for some endless road trips plus a good music to join the beat on. Let this be the year for happier lifestyle and a happy soul. To be more free and hug the possibilities! Let this be a country that is full of hope and chances, wishing that the next leader would be the one who’ll save each one of his people.

This 2015, Like what the song says “Shoot me down… but I won’t fall… I am… *insert name*”

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The 50 Sensational Things in the Year-2014 (Sum-up The Trending issues!)

-Ebola Outbreak

Misunderstanding EBOLA

Thinking you have EBOLA

-Instagram users be like

Capture the food before eating

Let me take a SELFIE!

-The Fault in our Stars (Our little infinities)

-Taking online quizzes

Who is your celebrity twin?

What Hunger Games Character are you?

-All about that Bass

- Getting physically fit

Because a lot of Celebs are making their way having abs!

Diet! Salads only please

-Using so Many hashtags! (#blog #blogger #united #pretty #writer #dreams #whatever)

-The No filter policy

-So many weddings and engagements! (and you keep asking yourself why not me?)

-Singing “Stay with me”- Sam Smith

-Hating Kendall Jenner.

-Having ideas on some bloggers in instagram and re-doing it.

-The #TBT (show some love with the gap teeth)

-Visiting many food resto or coffee shops and put it in a blog or IG

-Taylor Swift’s Shake it off booty

- Miriam Defensor’s “Stupid is Forever” book

-Guardians of the Galaxy and realizing how hot Chris Pratt is.

-Not believing on the #forever, you’re more of believing #walangforever

-Pork Barrel and all the money scams

-The Ice bucket challenge

-Homies not approving Iggy’s rap. “Why the hell a white’s rapping?” (Iggy Azalea)

-Kim Kardashian’s big booty photo

- Using Facebook as your daily DIARY!!

- Wearing tops and high waist jeans

-The never let go “FROZEN” film. Please, let go of it.

- #DongYan wedding

- DIY crafts

-The Victoria’s Secret Fashion show!

-TINDER

- Being racist

- Believing you’re a vegan

- Going to Concerts

- Miley Cyrus.

-Death of Robin Williams

-Typhoon Ruby

-Vintage stores

- Reading so many fiction books

-Jeje’s still invading the social media

- Having eyeliner wings

-Breaking up with/exposing cheating partner on viral YouTube videos.

-She’s dating the Gangster

- The Wattpad Outbreak

- Having the grunge look

-Travelling around the Globe

- Reading many advices or tips of how to look like your favorite celebrity actress

- Annoyed cause you're single

-Vhong Navarro vs. Cedric Lee

-Scandals

-One direction concert here in PHL

-Fashion Trends

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I’m not a Girl not yet a Woman... Dear Britney Spears

Dear Britney Spears,

Your song really fits my in-“between” problem. I’m totally into your song. And I wonder why these words came up. Why? Did you also write this as for realizing some changes in you? Physically? Mentally? Emotionally? Cause honestly if you do, then we have the same track baby. It started when I feel lonely, yes lonely for most of the times. I don’t know but sometimes I just started to think things in a different way and surprisingly it made me feel lonely. When I was a girl I don’t give a damn if my skirt was too short, if my hair doesn’t flow perfectly, if my body was sexy or not. I just ate a lot of junk and store it in my trunk. I don’t care about the world. I just wanna play and watch endless Disney films. It made me happy you know. But this time it’s totally different. I happen to know the word “metamorphosis”. Yes, just like a cockroach (eggs) turns into an adult stage. I am much more different now. I know I have to take some precautions because now, I am not a Girl. I care about more of my looks now. I care too much it hurts my head. I care about the prom, about what facial cream to use, about what dress to choose, about the cool guy in school, about my friends, about my parents adding rule no.67 “curfew hours”. I get so lonely about it sometimes. Because I’m not used to it but fortunately I’m part of it. It’s inborn. It’s destined to every person—to constantly change. This is it! It’s a mind game. I am not used to it. I am not ready for the choices, the judgements, the decisions, and the people and especially about myself. I am getting to know more about myself Britney and I am afraid I am concern with your chosen lyrics in your song “Life doesn’t always go my way”. What’s bugging me right now, is actually of becoming a Woman. Will I ever be a good mom? Will I ever got a stable job and support myself? Will I ever meet the right person to be with? Or will I just mess the whole things up? Sometimes I get too sad and believe it or not I judge people… mostly about young kids. Because now that I am a Lady, I am not used to seeing young couples kissing in PUBLIC places, I mean really KISS, I get annoyed by looking at those pictures showing some of her “flesh” and I am not an old maid to act like this. It’s just that I am Lady now. I know in myself that I am starting to grow—deeply. I started to see things differently and more seriously. I work hard now, I left the play stage. But thinking about it, I am just a Lady, Not a girl… but also not a Woman. My stage now is heading me for a new adventure right? For new learning’s in life and maybe somehow prepare me for the next stage right? Well maybe. It is possible. So “There is no need to protect me. It's time that I learn to face up to this on my own. I've seen so much more than you know now, So don't tell me to shut my eyes”. Maybe I just need some understanding right now, cause honestly I am quite not sure about it either. “All I need is love a moment that’s enough….”

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Letter to the guy who I almost Love

To my almost boyfriend;

                Wow, I would just like to tell you that I will not sugar coat everything about us. I will strictly come to the point. Why I even wrote this letter? Because I am scared, scared of being just your almost lover. Simple as that but harder to swallow. I like you. I like you since when you started talking to me about you, about your football games, about how you like your steak rare, about how your granny loves you and how you hate your dad. We got along together, we click like heels, we groove like a dancer. I like how you smile, how you treated me like a princess, like how say my name “Olive”, like how you get jealous so easily. I am not an easy catch and I can say that you win my heart, you got me, and you did your best to make me feel comfortable about us. I can’t blame you; you’re not hard as I thought. You got my wings fly. I am not expecting anything. But why you have to tell me not to talk to any boys in school? Especially Taylor? Why am I not suppose to eat alone in lunch without you? Why we have to hang out in weekends? I can’t find the answers because you never tell me.  Sooner or later I find myself falling so hard with your handsome face, I can’t resist the fact that I am head over heels with you. I love the whole you. But you just made me feel like a trash. Suddenly you’re too sweet but most of the time you ignore me. I can’t think hard enough. I don’t know the answers. Are you just using me to fill your dull moments? Or am I just feeling the wrong emotions for you? Is it because for you I am just a friend? Ouch. If so, then be honest with me sweety. I don’t want games especially in the name of love. I want the honest answers about this. Can you? Can you just honestly talk to me straightly?

Can you somehow not treat me your almost darling?

                                                                                                         Love, Olive (An almost love letter)

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WHY DO WE STAY ON INTOXICATING RELATIONSHIPS? LEAVE OR STAY?

People create the illusion of love. Why do we need to love? Why someone has to love? Is it really needed? For some quite reasons, YES, it is necessary. Just imagine why. You wouldn’t work so hard on that stupid office not if your love one’s depends on you. You wouldn’t study so hard on those stupid textbooks not if your mom whom you love wants you to learn and grow. You wouldn’t eat those damn green veggies not if you love yourself and your body.

Same things as here. Why do people stay on relationship that is full of sick lame gestures and is intoxicating? It is like you’ve eaten a lot and you’re already full but still you need to eat the remaining dish. Too much and you’re already going to vomit.

Too much is bad. Too much will make you feel like drowning.

But why do people have this power to swallow everything and just say “its okay” even though it’s not anymore?

We give our partner’s a chance- The reason why you keep on staying even though your heart doesn’t feel so happy is that you don’t lose the chance to hope that someday he’ll/she’ll change, for the better, for the both of you to be happy. You let yourself thinking that “I love him/her so I’ll wait” you wait and you wait. You stay because you know he’s/she’s better than that, he still can make you happy. She still can understand you.  At some point it isn’t bad, it can be three things (1) You love him/her so much that you are willing to wait (2) You’re just afraid to admit to yourself that there’s no turning back, that you made a mistake of choosing, of deciding (3) Your ego.

You get suddenly deaf by hearing the word ‘Alone’- Nobody wants to be alone. No one. If you want to be ALONE for the rest of your life then you better get your packs on and live on MARS. We all need someone, somebody to lean on, to give on, and to receive on. “No man is an island”. So just by thinking that you leave your partner, you became suddenly panic about the world “ALONE”, you can’t be alone right? You are afraid that after breaking up with your partner, you ended being alone. You suck on dates; you don’t know the right thing to do. You suddenly feel new about the dating cycle. But will you still stay even if you keep crying at night?

You’re afraid to leave “The one”- This is wrong, love isn’t about being assured, being assured that you should always have someone, assured that you will get home bringing something and nothing. But love is a game you see? You have to make a bet. How you’ll know if he’s the one or she’s the one if you’re not trying to make a chance of a lifetime to bet?

You thought about not moving at all- We are human and so we are not safe of anything, sooner or later we’ll all get hurt—by someone— strangers or even the love of your life. The thing is why you should keep on staying on a relationship that’s teaching you to move on SLOWLY and PAINFULLY? It is just the dead end, you have to MOVE ON.

There are two things either you stay or leave.

Stay- Okay, give them a chance, see what will happen, see if he’s/she’s keeping up. See if you can no longer take the pain, the hurt, see if you can still love the same person everyday but still keeps on hurting you, without him knowing it.

Leave- Take a gamble, decide whether to love yourself above all and choose to be happy. To choose to meet new friends and decide to achieve your pasts dreams, to live by yourself, to explore and learn more things about you, to take a rest and take everything slowly and finally to gamble again for falling in love.

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