Friday, March 10, 2017

To my almost "always"


How can you love a person so much, so genuine, so sweet and then unlove them suddenly? How can you tell your promises to one another and broke them again? How can you say you won’t leave, when all you ever did was to walk away?
Dear  Stranger… again,
                It’s done.  Just like that, it’s over… again.
                You’re a stranger again, just like that.
I guess it will never work out the way we always wanted and right here, right now before the clock ticks to nothingness and before I lose the whole meaning of writing, I’ll never find and will never ask answers from you, simply because I just thought I don’t need them. There were questions that don’t need any answers; it’s like a rhetorical question needing a rhetorical answer.
I just want to go on with my life and by that means, without you.
Thank you, for leaving a trace that surely I will never forget. Still, I know, there will be times that I’ll miss you, I’ll remember you even if I just walk on that stupid lane we used to walked, surely I’ll remember how you say your dreams or you, confessing your love to me, but surely it will also remind me, that these things were all in the past, and that’ll wake me, because hey, I’m in the present.
Thank you, for giving me emotions. Happiness, madness, loneliness and for a time I feel a blood rush into my veins.
It’s funny how things work out, we used to be friends, best friends, turned out to be lovers, then strangers, friends and then lovers again, but you choose to be a stranger again… for a long time, and you suddenly came back again, then we became lovers again, then back to where we used to be… being strangers to each other, am I nuts? Maybe I am.
To tell you honestly, it came to my mind that I shouldn’t regret any single moments I had with you. I guess, it made a part of rebuilding of who I am, for knowing myself deeply, that without these certain moments, without these lessons, I wouldn’t be the person I am right now or the person that I will become.  Just like in the songs, “You made me stronger by breaking my heart”.  Thank you for all those countless memories, for the things you shared, for the laugh, tears you brought into my life, but most of all, for the heartaches that you gave me.
I am also sorry, for not being the person you used to know. I changed a lot. Maybe a part of the reason why is because of what happened to us. But I don’t blame you anymore, this is me right now and you can’t find the old one and to tell you, I can’t find you too.
And to tell you people, up until now, I don’t know what love can bring to me, to us. I just got a one realization, that when you break up with people, you also break a part of yourself, you detach from all these strings that once made you together. It is hard. But you have to accept and move on.
I forgive you anyway, maybe it’s not your fault after all, for not loving me anymore, for losing the string, for giving up on our always, maybe that’s just how it goes, cause maybe you’re not the one for me, maybe you’re just a hundred lesson I should learn back then, or maybe… I don’t know, cause future’s unknown and I’m only holding to what’s right now. And right now, the only thing that I should take from all of these is to accept the fact that people come and go and steal your parts and it’s up to you on how to regain yourself again from that heartache.

No one’s to blame, cause maybe it just how our story goes right now… but it is not the end. We should continue to walk on and be strong every day, to learn to love yourself and rebuild your trust. There will be an always for us, maybe not on the person we used to love, maybe from someone else, who knows? Love’s a puzzle, cause maybe the person we love doesn’t deserve us.